Wednesday, January 27, 2016


I desperately wish I could be one of those disciplined "gym above all else - no excuses" kind of peeps and while I truly am WAY WAY more disciplined than I ever thought I could or would be (each time my feet take me to the gym I'm kind of surprised) I'm still not at the Beyonce "go three days without eating because you were so determined to learn a routine" dedication level.
This time last year I was kicking SERIOUS ass and taking names with no mercy. I was a lioness with a gazelle in my crosshairs. I got down to 142 pounds and I was all buff and happy.
Somewhere along the way (I think it was the summer with the kids being home but at this point using the summer and my inability to get to the gym because of the kids is like my telling people I'm fat because I still have baby weight when my kids are 10 and 12) my train flew off the tracks and got stuck.
It's not a lack of motivation. I see gals in workout wear going to and from the gym (yes ladies, those of us who actually go to the gym CAN tell the difference between those of you who trot around in workout gear as a fashion statement and us who actually get our sweat on) and I get anxious. It's an actual physical reaction that comes in the form of a knot in my stomach and the feeling that I'm on the outside of a group looking in.
I WANT to be at the gym. I WANT to be a gym unicorn. I WANT sore muscles and to feel like I'm dying and yet... I do not make it to the gym. WHY?! I feel like life has been getting in the way a whole lot lately but, as my husband pointed out to me yesterday if I want it bad enough I'll find a way to make it happen. I had the time to be disciplined last year and it's not like my life has changed that drastically.
I NEED to pull my shit together and get back on track because I'm back in the feeling fat and disliking my body zone and I swore I wouldn't ever get here again. The self loathe and the horrid thoughts and voices that go with that loathe are back in full force.  Getting back on track is at this point, critical both for my physical and mental health.
So here is my promise to me.  I will once again find that balance between being kinder and gentler to myself while employing the "Train insane or remain the same" mindset.
It starts today.

Monday, September 15, 2014


I haven't done one of these in quite a while! Some photos of where I am at currently!

Thursday, January 30, 2014


Setting aside the cheesy pose I have going on here I'm kind of frustrated with these photos. The two with me as a brunette were taken January of 2010. The two of me as a blonde were taken tonight. January 2014.  Yes, I see change but not NEARLY as much as I want to see! I want more defined bigger muscles!  I feel like I've been working SO hard lately and really being diligent about my extra credit workouts and trying to work with heavier bells so WHERE is the muscle growth?!  I don't want to be a body builder but I would like a little more tone and definition to show for all the work I'm doing!

Thursday, November 28, 2013


I am always thankful for all the things we are all thankful for, friends, family, health, roof over my head. This year though I'm adding one more.
I am thankful for my body. It truly is an amazing machine. This has not been an easy year for me. I came back after taking 4 months off and it's been fraught with injuries that have slowed my progress down throughout the year.
I have not let any of them set me back or slow me down though. I have worked through all injuries and grown stronger and more confident and amazed at what my body can do.
Because of the work we do in class at boot camp I don't see my strength and don't feel the strides or the changes but then I compare video of where I was and where I am and I'm blown away.
This vlog and video shows the first time I ever picked up the log (and it's 70 pounds, not 110) You can see me struggle with it.
Then there is this video I took yesterday.

To me that is just amazing...

Monday, April 1, 2013


It's the start of a new month & I'd made a promise to myself that I'd go balls to the wall at boot camp all month.
Today was a total ass kicker. 35 minutes has never felt so damn long...
David's younger brother was teaching today and he was out to make us work today!
Class started with a run to the staircase on the other side of the building. That's normal. We do that all the time. What we DON'T do is run the stairs. We were to do one lap up and down and then run back to the studio where we did swings, high pulls & rows with the Kettlebells.
We then grabbed two bells and farmer walked back to the staircase where we were to do two laps up and down with the two bells.

I struggle with stairs without any extra weight but two 17 pound kettlebells & I really truly had to fight not to throw up. That extra 34 pounds of weight had my calves SCREAMING for mercy with each step.
Walking lunges with the two bells back to the studio where we did 25 pushups & then played with the sled (more weight work!)
To completely destroy me he had us do suicide drills & burpees.

I'm proud of my first lap up the stairs at the start of class. Without even realizing it I started to RUN up the stairs. ME! RUN! STAIRS! Never thought it would ever happen. The best part is I wasn't even conscious I was doing it. Halfway up I realized I wasn't walking, my feet were running! It was very weird. Of course hindsight being what it is had I known what class had in store for me I wouldn't have gone that hard right out of the chute.

That's the thing about Boot Camp. You NEVER know what's around the corner or what's going to be asked of your body next. 
Three plus years into class & I still haven't quite figured out the best way to give 100% to each exercise & still be conscious at the end of class.

Today was a killer class & I'm proud I survived it! It SUCKS during class but after I always feel so good about myself all day. Accomplished & very strong!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Friday, January 18, 2013

today's class

I went to the 5:30 class last night and it wrecked me. Pushups, suicide runs, sprints, squats. By the end of class I was walking the suicide laps. I couldn't run another step. Not one more.

I got up this morning bound and determined to take today off because I was sore and tired. I put it out on Facebook and quickly was guilted into coming to class by the studio owner.

I dragged my sorry carcass to the studio praying I would be able to make it through class today.

When David proclaimed today all Kettlebells I almost wept with joy. A class I knew I could rock. Ending the week on a strong note.

Of course my stupid lower back had other plans.

I've struggled with lower back pain since forever. It's weak muscles but it feels like crunching broken glass in place of my lower spine.

I know I need to push through the pain and breathe into it and the only cure for it is to keep building up the muscles back there.

You will see me working with 4 different color Kettlebells & two different sizes. The blue bell is 27 lbs the pink is 17 lbs, the little black one is 25 lbs and the big yellow one is 32 lbs.

The blue bell is my comfort zone. It's the weight where I work best. Unfortunately when my back starts acting up I'm forced to the pink bell to do work that I could with no trouble do with the blue bell.

Super frustrating.

I grabbed the yellow bell at the very end and watching the video I'm mad at myself. I had no business attempting that one today. Not because I couldn't lift it, clearly I can. I however didn't have the power or strength to rack it in a proper manner on either side and that means my arms were too tired to be lifting it.

We were supposed to do 20 burpees but all I had in me was 12. You can see how exhausted a full 35 mins of Kettlebell work leaves me. I have not an ounce of energy to lift and support that tire over my head. Twice my arms had clearly had enough and you see the tire slide out of my grip and down my back. That does not happen because I've let go or because of any decision I made. That was my arms telling me "No Mas".
That to me is how a class should end every single time.
Nothing at all left in the tank.

Something this video has shown me that I need to work on is that I tend to throw my shoulders back too far and almost bend backwards in an effort to stand up straight. I need to be more aware of keeping my shoulders over my knees in good alignment.

I also still hate my swings. My body is just not the right shape or thin enough yet to hold the correct form for swings. It's frustrating and  I don't like it. It's the most basic of all Kettbell movements and it always feels very awkward to me.

Once again, you are under no obligation to watch any or all of this video. It's here more for me than for any of you.

Feel free to watch though...