Friday, May 6, 2011

Is this thing on?

(looking around and blinking) Wow. Uh, hi! There are a whole lotta new faces here. (deep breath) WELCOME to MY FAT JOURNEY!!

I'm Diana and I am immensely flattered that you have all come to check out my story.
I guess I should tell you a wee bit about me and what you are reading.
First let me slap a big ol' disclaimer on this blog.
If you go back to the very start you will see that there are no words, just photos.

The reason for that is really simple. I'm not a writer.
I won't pretend for a second that I have any talent for telling stories or blogging. My sentences are often run-ons, I rely on spell check more heavily than I care to admit, I suck at closings and often leave tales hanging or ending abruptly, and often I write as a I speak and forget that inflection and tone don't come through. I curse, I can be crass and I'm completely open and honest.
I will put up photos of my bruises, my varicose veins, me in a bathing suit, my boobs (G rated only) my ass (again, only G rated) and anything else I feel the need to blog about.

Somewhere along the way, despite my lack of writing skills I decided to say "Screw it" and began to use this space as a journal.
A place to log my accomplishments and my defeats, my goals and my mistakes.  I didn't write with the intention of sharing but you know, life is odd and shit often goes a different way than planned.

It was also my vain hope that perhaps somewhere out there someone might be as inspired by my stories as I was by the blog that started my journey to the land of thin.

So a little bit about me and what got me to where I am now.

I'm a 38 year old stay at home mom to two of the most amazing, fantastic, insane, wonderful, maddening little boys ever created.
Patrick is my oldest at an ancient 7 1/2 and Brian or as we call him The Lion turns 6 today.
They are 16 months apart to the day and to the hour. Pats was born January 6th, 2004 at 9am (delivered via C-Section) and Lion was born May 6th at 9am. (Also delivered via C-Section)

I wasn't always fat. All my life I rode horses and was always in awesome shape.
I won't bore you with all the details but after my sweet horse (That's he and I above) died on the way home from a horse show I stopped riding. Lost complete interest.

No horses, no exercise. I've always been far too lazy to go to a gym so it's fair to say that prior to my finding my beloved and life changing Hoboken Boot Camps a year and a half ago I had not done any exercising at all in oh...15 or 16 years.

Before the kiddos I was overweight but I could still fool myself into thinking that I liked what I saw in the mirror and that I was "okay"

The kids are 16 months apart and when Lion was born we were in a really isolated part of Brooklyn and I was totally stuck. I was alone all the time, stuck in a house with two small children, no friends, no time to myself, no freedom and very little happiness.

My escape was eating. I ate all the time and nothing that I put in my body was remotely healthy for me.
By the time we moved back to Hoboken, NJ I was up over 200 pounds.

I was an overwhelmed mom who shoved my own needs, wants and desires deep in the back of a closet and focused completely on my kids & food. Lots of snacking and junk food and stuff that was just awful for me.
I honestly didn't care. I was overwhelmed and depressed and food was my friend.

In September of 2009 I finally had both boys in school and was able to have a few hours a day to myself. Slowly my sanity and my sense of self starting to creep back.

I distinctly remember the day I decided enough was enough. I was walking, not running or even moving quickly, just, walking down the stairs and I heard "slap, slap, slap, slap" and realized it was my stomach fat making that noise.

I thought "Jesus H. Christ Diana! You used to rock leopard print spandex and have boys breaking their necks to get a look at you WHAT happened?!"
I wish I could tell you that at that point I steeled my nerves and my life became a Rocky training montage.  I think I went home and hopped on the internet while eating a box of Entenmann's Doughnuts & drank a Diet Coke. (Yeah, because THAT makes sense!)

Then something really cool happened.
I somehow found Sheryl's Blog.
I won't link it because she has it disabled at the moment but it was the one that is NOT her weight loss related one.
I instantly loved the gal. Her style, her outlook on life, her attitude all reminded me so much of my best friend who I lost in July of 2007 in a motorcycle accident.
I gobbled her adventures up and I eventually wandered over to her weight loss blog and HOT DAMN I was inspired.

I'll admit that I was initially inspired by the photos of her when she was heavier because even for a fat chick the gal had some amazing style.

Then I started reading and couldn't stop. Her blog  told a very real, honest, relatable tale. I found myself nodding and smiling and grimacing and cheering her on and at the end, I was blown away and completely and totally inspired and motivated.

I clicked off her blog and searched the internet for exercises classes in Hoboken and divine intervention, fate, whatever, placed me on the Hoboken Boot Camps web page.

At the time David was just starting out and was holding his class at one time of day only, 5:50am. It was also outdoors, rain or shine.
I didn't know what to expect but by the end of the first class I knew I was hooked. Never mind that the next morning I couldn't lift  my arms to brush my hair or that it hurt to stand, sit, walk and even breathe. I couldn't wait to go back.

I had to get up before the sun each morning and go and drag my 205 pound outta shape carcass to work out with the gal you see in my photos above.
That's Krista. She's a beast. She's in the most amazing shape and was initially very intimidating.  (I've since discovered that while she's a beast in class, she's really an amazing gal and not so scary once you get to know her.) Often the classes were just me and her and David.

Gyms never worked for me because the second I stepped into them I felt stupid for not knowing how to use the torture racks, I felt that the bitch sitting next to me on the stationary bike was always checking out what I was doing and competing with me (that's the bitch in general. Not one specific bitch) I felt like the staff really don't know how to use the equipment and I always felt self conscious and stupid. Doesn't really motivate one to go to the gym when you feel stupid once you are there.

Boot Camp made me feel strong and powerful. Having a coach like David who has the ability to push you to your limits while cheering you on is amazing.  I never felt judged, never felt like I had to compete (Even if I'd wanted to, it would have been pointless. Krista would have smoked me.)

Day by day I felt myself grow stronger and more confident and dare I say it? I was having FUN working out!

He had us use these things I'd never seen or even heard of before called Kettlebells. They look like a cannonball with a handle. He taught me how to do a basic move called a Swing and that was all she wrote. I was hooked.

Again, I wish my life was a movie and I could show you the Rocky Balboa training montage.  It might make all this more interesting for those of you still reading. This is the best I can give you. I'm the fat chick in both videos:

I started out working with, and being exhausted by a 5 pound Kettlebell.  By November I was able to do 10 jumping jacks and jog a very short distance without feeling like I was going to drop dead. We moved to the 10 pound Kettlebell and we are slowly working our way up the scale till I can work with the 100 pound Kettlebell. Seriously. That's my goal. I'm currently working with a 45 pound momma.

In reading Sheryl's blog I got hooked on her adventures on her Hello Kitty Bicycle. I hadn't been on a bike in over 25 years but I remembered how much I loved biking.  I decided I wanted to be just like her and I wanted a bike of my very own.

In December of 2009 I ordered a pink beach cruiser. I'd only ever owned a 10 speed and as I said, that was 25 years or more ago. I'm not sure I'd ever even ridden a beach cruiser but seeing how cute she looked on hers totally sold me on getting one of my very own.
I also saw how her biking helped her transform from this:
to this:
and eventually to this:
Perhaps I'd hoped that the Cruisers possessed some magical weight loss powers but I think I just really liked the way that they looked and the fact that I could get it in pink.

I got it, and the first thing I did was take her in the 5 boro bike tour.
I shit you not.
If you didn't think I was insane before, this should cement it in your brain. After only being back to working out for less than 6 months and not having ridden a bicycle in over 25 years I signed my fat ass up to bike 42 miles. On a 60 pound single geared pink bicycle.

Surprise, surprise I couldn't finish but I was still able to do 30 of the 42 miles before dropping out.
I'm supremely proud of that 30 miles I did.

No doubt in my mind that the work I did in Boot Camp was the reason I was able to push and go that 30 miles.

Back in class I was pumped up, rededicated and totally motivated. I decided that I wanted to be the biggest Bad Ass in all of Hoboken.

I wanted to be strong and have defined muscles and be able to push myself to the ends of my bodies limits and find all the potential I had hidden away for so long.

That's sort of when I took this blog from being a photo essay to a journal.

If you are still with me and haven't deleted this link due to the length of this post I can assure you that most of my posts aren't ever this long.
Sometimes this place turns into a little bit of a brain dump...

Tomorrow I head back to Boot Camp after a week away.
I'm quite sure I'll be blogging about it!

Again, welcome to all the new faces and I hope you stick around. My life is never ever dull...


Karen Strunks said...

Hey Diana, new reader here. Loved your post which is a great introduction to you!

I'm on a weight loss journey too (just reached my 50lb weight loss goal!) and have taken up exercise this year.

I admire your early morning starts! You are rocking that Kettleball -wowww. And who could not fall in love with a pink cruiser!

Anyway, just wanted to say hi & I'll look forward to reading your blog :)

Diana said...

HI and welcome! 50 pounds?! That's an insane milestone! Congrats! Good for you!!!
I have to admit that I do the 9am class now and we aren't in the park anymore. He's got a studio but I'm still as dedicated!
Thanks for reading!

Hippygal said...

Thanks for sharing.... and like you once I found Sheryl's blog and read about her cycling etc.... it motivated me to get one. Though I still don't get on it much I am loving it when I do.