Thursday, March 31, 2011

Big Mouth & Butterflies

I talk a whole lot and dream even more.
Apparently people are listening to what I'm saying and they have faith and believe in me.
I can't give you details mainly because I don't have any yet but it's looking like by September of 2011 I'll have my level 1 Kettlebell Certification.
I know. I'm as shocked as you all are.
I've known about it for a while but have been waiting for details to be firmed up and to be 100% sure it's going to happen.

Since I've known about it, I've been pushing myself in class like a mad woman. Really going as hard as I can and doing all the things I hate to do, all the things I'm uncomfortable doing (LOTS of hopping and jumping!) going with heavier weights on the Kettlebell. (REALLY trying not to use anything under 25 pounds for most work) All of this has left me absolutely EXHAUSTED. As I type this, the muscles on the tops of my thighs are throbbing and aching and my arms feel weak and tired.

Now that I know this is going to happen, I'm nervous as hell. I'm strong and I want this but I'm not sure I'm strong enough or have enough endurance. I'm also seriously afraid that I really don't know what the hell I'm doing out there.

While Boot Camp works with Kettlebells, it's not specific Kettlebell Training. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've done a snatch and I don't think I've done more than 40 consecutive swings with any weight of Kettlebell.

At the same time I know if not now, when? Will I be more ready next year? The following? I'm as ready now as I will be if I don't go for it.

I need to trust in the strength that I do have and believe that if the people around me didn't think I was ready to do this, I wouldn't have been invited to be a part of it.

Of course all this is coming to me right as I'm on the cusp of a week away from class and from training and away from my Kettlebells...

I am INSANELY excited about this adventure...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

An apology of sorts

Hoboken Boot Camps, my home away from home and the studio that I'm training at has no mirrors at all. While this is great for class (I really have no desire to watch my less than graceful self workout) it sucks when you are trying to train form and technique with Kettlebells.

I'm seriously flying blind and have NO idea how I look or if I've got proper position or stance. This is especially frustrating when I'm trying new moves for the first time. I can't see myself to correct mistakes and if I should happen to be doing something correctly, I can't see it to remember how it should look and feel.

In the coming days, weeks and months there are going to be a whole lotta videos of me up here. I'm going to be taking them not for vanity purposes but so I can see what I look like doing new things with the Kettlebell.

I'll still be blogging and telling tales of my days and discussing my highs and lows but there will be much visual accompaniment with it.

Just a small heads up!

Saturday, March 26, 2011


Continuing to keep the promise to myself to get to Boot Camp every single day before our Disney trip I laced up my sneakers at 7:30 this morning and slowly walked with the kids to class.

On the way there  I knew today was going to be rough. I was physically exhausted. All my muscle ached and I was just drained and tired. Going to class was probably not the smartest move but I know that I have to push myself to get results. No pressure, no diamonds.

I got there and immediately struggled with the warm ups. We went right into jumping jacks, squat jumps and jump ropes. Then we grabbed a Kettlebell and did trunk twists and push ups and swings and high pulls. From there we did figure eights between our legs and the one where we have to switch hands grabbing the kettlebell. I started with the 15 pound and had to go lighter right away. Even the 10 pound was almost too much today.

He set up a circuit of 4 rather simple exercises but each of them were almost too much for me. I told myself to dig deep and find the energy. Be a warrior, be strong, be tough. It didn't work. I was miss low energy today.

I got it all done and made it through class but I've never been so glad to see a Sunday on the calendar. I need a day off to rest and recharge.

Drive and Determination

Two plus weeks ago I promised myself I was going to get to Boot Camp ever single day before our trip to Disney World. No excuses. Hoboken Boot Camps runs 6 days a week and I was going to be there 6 days a week. Not only was I going to be there, I was going to be there with the fire in my belly ready to chew bubble gum and kick ass.

I was going to shove myself as hard as I could every single day. Go for the heavier weights, run rather than power walk the loading dock, attempt to do the Burpees the big girl way, do the jumping jacks and the jump rope and whatever else David and Jesse threw our way.

Today will be my 12th class in a row with only Sunday off because the studio isn't open on Sunday. I've really been trying to bring it to the highest level my body can. I've REALLY been pushing way way beyond my own physical limits (with the occasional reminder from David or Jesse when I'm not giving that complete 100%). Everything aches all the time. All my muscles are super sore from the moment I wake up, to the moment I lay my head on the pillow.

Yesterday I had to go into the city for an EKG and couldn't get to the 9am class I usually take. Keeping my promise to myself, I signed up for the 6:15pm class.

The 9am class is very unique. We are like a family there. We talk through class, we tease each other, we tease David or Jesse, we whine about the music, whine about the exercises, we know each others kids names, spouses names, jobs, if one of is going on vacation we all know. I spend much of my time in that class laughing or smiling. I still bust my ass and push hard but the vibe in that class is VERY mellow & lots and lots of fun.

I've been with Hoboken Boot Camps long enough to know that that class is an anomaly. The other classes are filled with folks who want to get in, get out and get on with their day or their evening. Not that anyone is a jackass or that the classes are hostile or cold but it's just a different vibe.

Because I signed up for the 6:15 I had to bring the kids with me.  The class was packed. I think there were about 10 or 11 of us. I'm almost certain I was the only parent and I was CERTAINLY the only fat chick. This class is filled with lean bods and driven souls. These folks were all deadly serious about their workout.

David sent us out for 2 jogs last night. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER seen anyone sprint the loading dock rather than jog but more than one guy was doing it last night and more than one girl was running fast with insanely long strides.

He had us broken down into stations for 40 seconds each. One of the stations was a jump rope and for all other 10 or 11 students that rope was a blur all you heard was "thwapthwapthwapthwapthwap" at mach 1 speeds.

I HATE the jump rope. I'm by no means a self conscious gal but if I were, I'd have run and hidden in the bathroom last night. I jump rope and the laws of nature say everything on me has to move and wiggle and thud. (This is a rather accurate representation of what I look like jumping rope.) Combine that with my lack of grace and my hatred of cardio and what you get is one big jump roping mess.

I jumped though, or I tried. I'd jump a few, get the rope stuck on my foot and have to stop and my speed never got close to theirs. I was however the only gal to work with the orange bands and the 25 pound weight though so I got to take some smug superior satisfaction from that. (you may out run me but I'm still stronger than you bitches!)

At the end of class he has us jog in place and then drop down, and do squat thrusts. We did it 15 times and I'm not going to lie I couldn't keep up. I didn't jog in place I marched but I was able to do the squat thrusts with more power than usual. I just coudn't get all 15 done. I tried. I wanted to but I had nothing at all left in my tank.I think I was able to do 10.

They squatted and thrust, I marched.  I'm okay with the fact that I couldn't keep up. I pushed hard during class tonight and I knew in 14 hours I was going to be back at the studio for the 8am Saturday class. 

I marched knowing I've been at class every single day pushing myself beyond my own limits. I marched and realized that I am no longer intimidated by these buff zero body fat folks. I'm not embarrassed or apologetic. I realize I might not be as fit or athletic as they are but I'm as driven and determined as they are. 

At the end of class I had just enough energy left to do my work with the 45 pound Kettlebell. That pleased me more than any of the stuff I had done in class. That after all the push ups and squat thrusts and overhead presses with the 25 pound Kettlebell I still was able to do my swings.

Stronger and more determined every single day. I still marvel at and try to focus on what my body CAN do rather than what it can't.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


My husband and I have an expression: "KYL" it means "Know Your Limits" and we use it almost exclusively for fat chicks. (I can discuss fat chicks since I am a member of the club)

I think a gal with some meat on her bones is beautiful. My eye is always drawn to a more zaftig woman and I will admire her beauty first over a thin little waif that I can knock over with a strong look.

I think straight across the board gals of size need to accentuate what they have been given and I think there is plenty of clothing out there that makes us look sexy as hell.

Having said that, fat gals in clothing that is a size or three too small or shorts that are too tiny or tank tops that show off your massive boobage or don't fit and show me your rolls of fluff are bad bad bad.

It is these gals to which KYL apply. The ones who don't seem to notice that the pants they are wearing don't button or the bra they have on is too small. The ladies who attempt to squeeze their extra poundage into stuff they have no business wearing.

As a bigger gal, I'm hyper conscious of this and avoid anything that doesn't either hang loose or flatter me. I don't wear tight clothing because no one but my darling husband needs to see the rolls of flab.

When I was at my thinest weight I'd ordered this super cute top off of ETSY. I'd gotten it for one of our Disney trips but some adjustements needed to be made to it and I didn't get it back in time. When our next trip came, I'd put back on over 30 pounds and the top no longer fit.

This top is my benchmark to weight loss & body changes. I tried it on today and while we are almost there, we aren't there yet. I'll take it with me to Disney in two weeks but I'm not sure I'll be wearing it.
I do not want to be a gal that needs someone to tell her "KYL"

I am glad though that it's fitting me now. Last time I tried it on, I couldn't get it to pull down!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A frustrating observation

Today the last 10 minutes of class were all cardio. I've discussed how I hate cardio because I struggle with it so. I know it's what's going to burn the fat and get my heart into shape and I know it needs to go hand in hand with the strength training but it ALWAYS kicks my ass and NEVER EVER gets easier.

I have the power and strength to work with the Kettlebells all day long. I can do step ups onto the tire till I'm blue in the face. I can work with the TRX and the rings to the point of complete exhaustion but when it comes to any sort of leaping or hopping or explosive power move I do not have the strength. Jumping Jacks, Burpees, Mountain Climbers, Star Jumps, even skipping kills me.

Anything that requires pushing off and launching my body off the ground I struggle with in a way that frustrates me. It's not a muscle thing, it's more of a feeling, a lack of energy. It's like my body becomes a million pounds and I cannot gather the energy to push off and kick out in a Burpee or jump for a jumping jack.

I really want to be able to do a box jump. It's a simple move that I should at this point be able to do and yet when I try to propel my body off the ground onto a short step aerobic turquoise step I wind up smacking my shins and falling over because I can't clear the damn box.

Same with the Burpees.At this point I should be able to kick my legs out and pop up into a leap but I can't. Today I did get my legs to kick out but then I struggled to right myself to a standing position and forget about the leap. I looked and felt ridiculous.

This lack of energy or ability is the one thing that makes me CRAZY about my body. My brain wants to do it but my legs don't want to cooperate. My body simply lacks the energy to get these basic, simple exercises done.

I'm not sure what I can do to correct this issue or make it better beyond practice and not giving up.  I just felt really frustrated and self conscious in class today. Not my best day...Tomorrow will be better!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Heavy gals

Today I went to class with the goal of swinging the 60 pound Kettlebell. I had no goal in mind as far as repetitions or number of swings. I just wanted to see if  I could do it. I would have been happy with one good swing.

David in his infinite wisdom was all for my reaching that goal but he wanted me to do it the proper way and work up to it.

At the end of class he set up a 35, 40, 50 and the 60. My instructions were to do 10 clean swings with each weight.
The 30 and 40 were no trouble. The 50 I started to feel in my legs and while I did them I struggled. The 60 I lifted it and was able to do 2 clean swings and clearly the struggle was showing in my body language and on my face. I knew I couldn't do more.

He had me put the Kettlebell down and take a break. He said that I should try to channel the energy it's taking me to contort my face and tense my muscles and transfer it to the 60 pound Kettlebell. No grunting or huffing and puffing, no screwed up faces, only deep even breaths and focus on doing 5 clean swings.

I walked around, got a drink of water, sat down and psyched myself up. I knew I could do it but I wanted to do it RIGHT. I wanted to not be sloppy and I wanted the swings to be proper and clean.

I'd be lying if I told you it wasn't the hardest I've pushed myself. A 60 pound Kettlebell is NOT the same as a 60 pound child or a 60 pound bag of groceries or luggage or even a 60 pound dumbell or barbell.
It's concentrated all in one iron ball and it is CRAZY heavy. It is also a very far cry from the 45 pound gal I've been working with.

I took a deep breath and concentrated on doing 5 good swings. Turns out I was able to do SIX good swings. WOOHOO!!!

I'm very proud of myself for not getting frustrated or giving up when I didn't succeed at our first goal of 10 swings. I love that I have a coach who keeps me in check and makes me do it all the proper way & that he wouldn't let me give up or let it get under my skin. He had me shake it off, take a break and come back. I love that I did one more swing than my revised goal.

Today was a good day!!!

Part one of the swings

Part two

Monday, March 21, 2011

Bad days

Woke up this morning to a deluge of rain and colder temps. I didn't feel like doing anything but crawling back under the covers and sleeping all day long.
I'd promised myself that I was not going to miss a single Boot Camp before our Disney trip and I needed to keep that promise.
I got to class and usually just being there improves my mood but today I felt flustered and grumbly and out of sorts.
It didn't help that I was wearing my shapeup sneakers because I couldn't find the other ones. While I love them, they aren't the best for balancing which is exactly what we had to do today.

I couldn't pull it together in class today. Couldn't get my brain to push my body at all and I found myself punking out on the weight, going for lighter kettlebells, shaving one or two off of reps, stopping more often, taking unnecessary breaks. All this just made me much much crankier and angry at myself.

Finally as I was mentally punching myself over and over a quiet voice piped up and said

"You came to class that has to count for something"

I realized the tiny voice was right. I DID come to class and it wasn't like I was standing around not moving at all. I can't go full throttle every day and can't expect every day to be my best. Some days are going to suck harder than a Dyson and it's those days and those moments that I have a critical choice to make.
I can be angry at myself and break myself down for not being as good or as strong as yesterday, or I can stop, take a deep breath and figure out how to redeem the moment or the day.

I decided to have the lovely Mistress Jesse (because that's her new nickname as far as I'm concerned) videotape my swings with the 45 pound gal today. Today I was going to do 20 swings.  I got them done and on the last few I lost my focus and lost my balance and form went out the window and I struggled but I GOT THEM DONE.

I could have beat myself up for almost falling over, for not having "hinge hips" for losing focus, for being sloppy and for a zillon other things I'm sure I didn't do right but I chose to focus on what I did do right. I did 20 swings with the 45 pound Kettlebell.

I did 20 swings with a weight that a year ago I couldn't even lift let along swing. I've set a goal and I'm working hard to meet it. Every day I'm stronger and so what if today wasn't my best day. It sure wasn't my worst and tomorrow I have a chance to do it all over again and max it out like a rock star!

Editing to add that I just watched the video of my swings and I'm REALLY glad I had her tape it. It felt MUCH sloppier and unbalanced than it actually was. My form, while not perfect isn't a wretched as I thought it was and I'm not as out of control as I felt. The camera also only got 18 of my 20 swings but I PROMISE I did 20!!!

Saturday, March 19, 2011


18+ swings with the 45 pound Kettlebell. I still marvel at the dramatic weight difference between the 40 and the 45 pound Kettlebells.
This video was shot by my 7 year old! Not a bad job I don't think!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Good day

Today I was focused on getting the kids and the husband out the door on time and with all that they needed and I forgot about me. I went to Boot Camp on an empty stomach. Really stupid idea. Ignoring the rumbles in my stomach I went to class determined to push hard today.

We have a phenomenal new-ish trainer named Jesse who I've very quickly come to adore and look forward to her teaching class. She's big on the cardio and so I know in her class I'm going to be forced to do things I hate to do and attempt to avoid (Jumping Jacks and Jump Rope and really, any kind of leaping or hopping or anything that disturbs the fat and makes it wiggle and slap.)

Because I've been with David so long, I have a relationship with him that most others don't have. I consider him my super cool younger brother from another (very cute!) mother. Feedback, comments, questions, criticism is often passed to David through me and almost straight across the board the feedback on Jesse is that she's AWESOME and a hell of a lot tougher than David. I agree sort of. I don't think she's tougher,  I think she's asking us to do more cardio and offering us new challenges and new exercises we haven't seen yet.

Today for example,she had us grab a kettlebell and do a walking overhead press the length of the loading dock. David would have had us just turn around and walk back. She had us do 10 star jumps pick the bell back up press it overhead and walk back to the other end of the dock. There we did 10 more star jumps and repeated the cycle. Then we went inside and did 100 trunk twists with the Kettlebell.

I did the dock walk with the 25 pound Kettlebell and in my desire to push myself while everyone else was doing a 2 handed overhead lift I decided to do it one arm up and one arm back. Let me tell you how badly my poor arms were screaming by the last round.

Did I mention that prior to this she had asked us to run 3 laps on the dock. I couldn't run today thanks to shin splints so I had grabbed a 15 pound bell and done an overhead walking press? Did I mention that I'd also attempted to do a windmill with the 15 pounder?

Arms, SO not happy with me.

I decided to go ahead and do my rountine with the 45 pound gal anyway. I lay down and did 10 presses and then tried to do my swings. I got to 10 and knew that was it. Car no go any further. I decided rather than give up, I would switch it up and so I did 10 squats with the 45 pound bell. By the time I got to the 10th one I was sure I would be stuck in the squat position for the rest of the day beacuse my legs were not going to get me back to a standing position.

I promised them a nice hot bath when we got home and they agreed and got me back standing up straight.

I feel really good about today beacuse I didn't let my exaustion get the better of me. I found a way to push myself without killing myself.

Smarter not harder right?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Kettebell Certification

Okay so I've found my new summer faux goal.
I'm going to work towards my RKC Kettlebell Certification.
It's a faux goal because I don't think I'll  be ready for it by the summer but it's going to be my goal to work every day on the requirements for the physical test.

It's an absolute BEAST of a test and if when the day comes that I can do all that is required to pass I will then give myself the title of Queen of the Badasses.

Further motivation for me to continue taking this weight off is that there is a different Kettlebell weight requirement for gals that weigh 123.5 and under. If you are over 123.5 you have to do all your work with the 16kg Kettlebell. (A little over 35 pounds) Under 123.5 you have to do all your work with the 12kg Kettlebell. (a little over 26 pounds)
That 10ish pounds makes a MASSIVE difference in the world of Kettlebells.

Either way you have to do 100 snatches in 5 minutes.

That all by itself is CRAZY bad ass, but that's only part of the test. You also have to do a 15 second flexed arm  hang plus a myraid of other things that they don't list on the site...

I watch this video and long to be as strong and agile and proficient as these folks are. It is my new long term goal. In the next 5 years I will earn my RKC  Kettlebell Certification!

The Scale

This is the first time I'm below 185 since last summer. I don't step on the scale often. It makes me mad at my weakness. Before last summer I was down to 173 which is what I weighed before I had the kids. Summer came and I allowed myself to get lazy and get fat. I got back up to 190. That was when I stopped stepping on the scale.

I've had two people tell me how good I'm looking and I can feel changes in my body so I dragged the scale out again. 182! I'm thrilled to see the scale finally going in the direction I want it to.

I think know I can lose that 10 pounds to get back to where I was before I screwed myself over in the three weeks we have before Disney World. That's my goal.

How badly do you want it?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

No School

Today the boys were off of school for I'm honestly not sure what. I'd promised myself I wasn't going to skip a single class before the Disney trip and I wasn't going to allow myself to use the kids as an excuse. They came with me.

Not their first time and not their best behaved class. They were all over the place untill I finally had to tell them to just follow me from station to station and stay out of everyone else's way. I went into class knowing I might not get the best workout today but that something is better than nothing.

I was right. I did what I could with them getting in my way and trying to do what I was doing. (You know you bring your kids to Boot Camp a lot when they can do the warmup stretches)  They sort of stayed out of everyone's way but I've seen them behave better.

Since I didn't feel like I gave 100% to the class I decided to use the kids as live weights and do some exercises with them. I got a little creative.

I also did my 15 swings with the 45 pound Kettlebell! Watching the video I probably should have done my swings away from a classmate's body but hey, no harm no foul...
Patrick is my bigger son, he's the one I do the squats with. He weighs about 60 pounds now. Brian the littler one isn't far behind his brother weighing in at about 55 pounds.

Swings and Squats

The kids wanted piggyback rides so rather than walk in a circle I used their weight to give myself a little extra workout.


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

14 Swings

14 Swings with the 45 Pound Kettlebell and my friend Cathy being goofy.

Monday, March 14, 2011


I am most successful in life and in endeavors when I break them down into small pieces or goal related projects.
To just roll merrily along without a destination does not work for me. I have to have my laser sights locked in on something for me to be able to accomplish anything.

Take Boot Camp. I took two weeks off, but came back stronger and more focused than before. I go to class and I'm pumped up like a crazy chick, more now I think than ever before. I sat myself down mentally and said

"Okay you slacker. We have less than a month till the Disney Trip. Till your husband's 40th birthday trip. Less than a month till you are going to drag the whole crew to photos with Mickey Mouse and drive poor Mike nuts asking him to take photos of you at various places, in various poses. Less than a month till you turn the camera on yourself and take video footage.  How do you want to look in these photos and videos?"

Even the lazy bitch agreed that I should look as smokin hot as I can and work as hard as I can to get there.

So I'll give class my all and push myself for the next 19 classes till the trip and then what? I come back after a week away and how will I be motivated? What will drive me? What will fuel the passion?

When we get back I will have less than a month till the 5 boro bike tour. 42 mile bike ride through the 5 boros of Manhattan. Last year I attempted it after not having been on a bike in over 20 years. This year I'm working to have stronger legs and when we get back from Disney I'll be going to Boot Camp and right from Boot Camp I'll be heading into the city to take my bike out and will do at least 10 miles each day.

After the 5 boro I'm not sure what is next but I do know we will be very very close to the end of the school year and the summer that got me into serious trouble last year. (I didn't go to Boot Camp and gained back 20 pounds and lost all my muscle) That alone should be motivation for me. I cannot let that happen again. Ever.

Oh by the way, my measurements today are 43" 36" 41"

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Saturday Hoboken Boot Camps

Saturday classes are fun because those of us with kids often bring them. I turned the camera on so I could get video of me doing my 12 swings with the 45 pound bell but it got a little crowded. I'm in the background somewhere...
 45 Pound Kettlebell Swings

Friday, March 11, 2011


I'm finally back on track and I can feel it. I've been to Boot Camp 5 days in a row with plans on going tomorrow as well.

I started taking the Ritalin on Tuesday before class and let me tell you what an intense difference it has made in how I go about EVERYTHING but especially how I attack my beloved Boot Camp.

It's allowing me to focus on what I'm doing and even though most of the exercise sets only last 40 seconds in the past that's been almost too long and I lose focus or my brain can't stop hopping around to allow me to focus and give my all to whatever the task at hand is.

With the drug I can concentrate on being a bad ass and ignoring what my body is feeling and just listen to my brain.

The other side effect that can't be ignored is the energy factor. Ritalin is a psychostimulant and so I experience a massive surge of energy and get up and go which allows me to push harder and go faster and for longer periods.

The last side effect that some find detrimental but I find nothing but awesome is the suppressed appetite. I have no desire to eat or snack and while I know in order to not get sick I HAVE to eat, the lack of strong appetite allows me to make smarter better food choices.

I've only been on it a week and as I said I've been attacking Boot Camp in the MOST ferocious manner but I think it's too soon to see changes in my body HOWEVER today my beloved trainer and owner of Boot Camp told me I was looking fantastic. It took me by surprise because I don't think I look any different despite feeling stronger. It pleased me so much that I stopped what I was doing and galloped over to kiss him on the cheek.

It is my goal to get to Boot Camp every day (except Sunday) till we leave for Disney World which is in 26 days. (so that's 20 Boot Camps) It is also my goal to swing the 45 pound kettlebell everyday after class adding one extra swing each day. Yesterday I did 10, today I did 11, tomorrow I'll do 12 so that by the time we leave for Disney I'll be able to do 35 swings with that weight.

If I stay on track and keep to this plan I should be confident to wear my tube top this trip...

Monday, March 7, 2011

Back to Boot Camp

I can go for months and months with not a peep in my life. My days are quiet and spend in solitude (at least from the time I drop the kids off till I pick them up again) and my routine is set and does not vary. Then you get periods like the last two weeks where life has not allowed me to get to my beloved Hoboken Boot Camps at all save for the Saturday class.

While I don't mind the flurry of activitity I do hate taking any time off from Boot Camp and two weeks is far far too much time!
I got to class on Saturday and knew I was going to feel it and that I was going to struggle to get back into it.
LORDY did I struggle! I huffed and puffed and panted and had to take it slow and modify some of exercises just so  I could get them done.

There is no class on Sunday so my next chance to get back was today.  Thankfully David has started a noontime class beacuse I had to go for bloodwork in the morning.
While I was excited to get back to class, I knew I was going to struggle again and would do so for at least the next 4 or 5 classes.

Tomorrow I'll get back to my favorite 9am class and I know it's going to kick my ass. It would be so much easier to just not go and save myself the pain and exhaustion. The lazy bitch would be more than happy to go down that road. Drop the kids off at school and head into the city for some brunch or dessert or just come home and plop in front of the computer and not move till it's time to get the kids.

A small part of my brain won't allow me to do that though. No matter how long I'm away from class I always always always go back.  I simply cannot stay away. I love the class and the people and the results far too much.

Today I went for bloodwork to check my thyroid and to get myself back on Rittalin so that I can once again begin to see the weight loss and the changes in my body that I'd been seeing before last summer.

Trying to get back on track and take better care of myself.