Drive and Determination

Two plus weeks ago I promised myself I was going to get to Boot Camp ever single day before our trip to Disney World. No excuses. Hoboken Boot Camps runs 6 days a week and I was going to be there 6 days a week. Not only was I going to be there, I was going to be there with the fire in my belly ready to chew bubble gum and kick ass.

I was going to shove myself as hard as I could every single day. Go for the heavier weights, run rather than power walk the loading dock, attempt to do the Burpees the big girl way, do the jumping jacks and the jump rope and whatever else David and Jesse threw our way.

Today will be my 12th class in a row with only Sunday off because the studio isn't open on Sunday. I've really been trying to bring it to the highest level my body can. I've REALLY been pushing way way beyond my own physical limits (with the occasional reminder from David or Jesse when I'm not giving that complete 100%). Everything aches all the time. All my muscles are super sore from the moment I wake up, to the moment I lay my head on the pillow.

Yesterday I had to go into the city for an EKG and couldn't get to the 9am class I usually take. Keeping my promise to myself, I signed up for the 6:15pm class.

The 9am class is very unique. We are like a family there. We talk through class, we tease each other, we tease David or Jesse, we whine about the music, whine about the exercises, we know each others kids names, spouses names, jobs, if one of is going on vacation we all know. I spend much of my time in that class laughing or smiling. I still bust my ass and push hard but the vibe in that class is VERY mellow & lots and lots of fun.

I've been with Hoboken Boot Camps long enough to know that that class is an anomaly. The other classes are filled with folks who want to get in, get out and get on with their day or their evening. Not that anyone is a jackass or that the classes are hostile or cold but it's just a different vibe.

Because I signed up for the 6:15 I had to bring the kids with me.  The class was packed. I think there were about 10 or 11 of us. I'm almost certain I was the only parent and I was CERTAINLY the only fat chick. This class is filled with lean bods and driven souls. These folks were all deadly serious about their workout.

David sent us out for 2 jogs last night. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER seen anyone sprint the loading dock rather than jog but more than one guy was doing it last night and more than one girl was running fast with insanely long strides.

He had us broken down into stations for 40 seconds each. One of the stations was a jump rope and for all other 10 or 11 students that rope was a blur all you heard was "thwapthwapthwapthwapthwap" at mach 1 speeds.

I HATE the jump rope. I'm by no means a self conscious gal but if I were, I'd have run and hidden in the bathroom last night. I jump rope and the laws of nature say everything on me has to move and wiggle and thud. (This is a rather accurate representation of what I look like jumping rope.) Combine that with my lack of grace and my hatred of cardio and what you get is one big jump roping mess.

I jumped though, or I tried. I'd jump a few, get the rope stuck on my foot and have to stop and my speed never got close to theirs. I was however the only gal to work with the orange bands and the 25 pound weight though so I got to take some smug superior satisfaction from that. (you may out run me but I'm still stronger than you bitches!)

At the end of class he has us jog in place and then drop down, and do squat thrusts. We did it 15 times and I'm not going to lie I couldn't keep up. I didn't jog in place I marched but I was able to do the squat thrusts with more power than usual. I just coudn't get all 15 done. I tried. I wanted to but I had nothing at all left in my tank.I think I was able to do 10.

They squatted and thrust, I marched.  I'm okay with the fact that I couldn't keep up. I pushed hard during class tonight and I knew in 14 hours I was going to be back at the studio for the 8am Saturday class. 

I marched knowing I've been at class every single day pushing myself beyond my own limits. I marched and realized that I am no longer intimidated by these buff zero body fat folks. I'm not embarrassed or apologetic. I realize I might not be as fit or athletic as they are but I'm as driven and determined as they are. 

At the end of class I had just enough energy left to do my work with the 45 pound Kettlebell. That pleased me more than any of the stuff I had done in class. That after all the push ups and squat thrusts and overhead presses with the 25 pound Kettlebell I still was able to do my swings.

Stronger and more determined every single day. I still marvel at and try to focus on what my body CAN do rather than what it can't.