Monday, March 21, 2011

Bad days

Woke up this morning to a deluge of rain and colder temps. I didn't feel like doing anything but crawling back under the covers and sleeping all day long.
I'd promised myself that I was not going to miss a single Boot Camp before our Disney trip and I needed to keep that promise.
I got to class and usually just being there improves my mood but today I felt flustered and grumbly and out of sorts.
It didn't help that I was wearing my shapeup sneakers because I couldn't find the other ones. While I love them, they aren't the best for balancing which is exactly what we had to do today.

I couldn't pull it together in class today. Couldn't get my brain to push my body at all and I found myself punking out on the weight, going for lighter kettlebells, shaving one or two off of reps, stopping more often, taking unnecessary breaks. All this just made me much much crankier and angry at myself.

Finally as I was mentally punching myself over and over a quiet voice piped up and said

"You came to class that has to count for something"

I realized the tiny voice was right. I DID come to class and it wasn't like I was standing around not moving at all. I can't go full throttle every day and can't expect every day to be my best. Some days are going to suck harder than a Dyson and it's those days and those moments that I have a critical choice to make.
I can be angry at myself and break myself down for not being as good or as strong as yesterday, or I can stop, take a deep breath and figure out how to redeem the moment or the day.

I decided to have the lovely Mistress Jesse (because that's her new nickname as far as I'm concerned) videotape my swings with the 45 pound gal today. Today I was going to do 20 swings.  I got them done and on the last few I lost my focus and lost my balance and form went out the window and I struggled but I GOT THEM DONE.

I could have beat myself up for almost falling over, for not having "hinge hips" for losing focus, for being sloppy and for a zillon other things I'm sure I didn't do right but I chose to focus on what I did do right. I did 20 swings with the 45 pound Kettlebell.

I did 20 swings with a weight that a year ago I couldn't even lift let along swing. I've set a goal and I'm working hard to meet it. Every day I'm stronger and so what if today wasn't my best day. It sure wasn't my worst and tomorrow I have a chance to do it all over again and max it out like a rock star!

Editing to add that I just watched the video of my swings and I'm REALLY glad I had her tape it. It felt MUCH sloppier and unbalanced than it actually was. My form, while not perfect isn't a wretched as I thought it was and I'm not as out of control as I felt. The camera also only got 18 of my 20 swings but I PROMISE I did 20!!!

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