My mother in law passed last night.
I'm coping by listening to my IPOD at levels that cannot be healthy for my ears.
Trying to block the world out.
I have to be careful that in the next few days, during the funeral and the wake and all the planning and prepping and trying to be a support for my father in law and my husband and kids I don't swing to extremes with my eating.
I can't forget to eat or avoid eating thanks to the huge knot in my stomach and I can't drown my sadness in food either.
Had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast and didn't even taste it.
Currently it actually feels like there is a boulder in my stomach. Food is the furthest thing from my mind.
In the past I have turned to my love of baking to soothe my soul and I still might but I have to handle the after the stuff is baked different. In the past, I've eaten through the sorrow and have devoured a pound of cookies alone without even realizing it.
My other swing is that I just don't eat anything at all. The dull ache is too much and I don't feel hunger so I forget to eat.
Tomorrow I'll head back to Boot Camp and find a different way to work through all of this....