Emotional Eating

My mother in law passed last night.
I'm coping by listening to my IPOD at levels that cannot be healthy for my ears.
Trying to block the world out.
I have to be careful that in the next few days, during the funeral and the wake and all the planning and prepping and trying to be a support for my father in law and my husband and kids I don't swing to extremes with my eating.

I can't forget to eat or avoid eating thanks to the huge knot in my stomach and I can't drown my sadness in food either.
Had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast and didn't even taste it.
Currently it actually feels like there is a boulder in my stomach. Food is the furthest thing from my mind.

In the past I have turned to my love of baking to soothe my soul and I still might but I have to handle the after the stuff is baked different. In the past, I've eaten through the sorrow and have devoured a pound of cookies alone without even realizing it.

My other swing is that I just don't eat anything at all. The dull ache is too much and I don't feel hunger so I forget to eat.
Tomorrow I'll head back to Boot Camp and find a different way to work through all of this....