The scale & goals

I hopped onto the scale today. (okay, I didn't hop. I shuffled and groaned. Boot Camp yesterday left me seriously sore!) It has not moved. Not one single pound. Impossible. It cannot be accurate. I can SEE the difference.

Again I go back to the debate of perhaps I'm replacing fat with muscle and though I'm actually dropping weight the scale doesn't reflect it because the weight is still there but not in fat.

I decided to ditch the scale and go back to the tape measure.
45" 36" 45"

I'm sure I've told you all my goal of being as close to Mae West as I can?
I'm 4'11" and she was 5'1" so we aren't far off.
Her measurements were 36-26-36

Not sure our busts will ever match, but we can get semi close (even Dolly Parton's measurements are 40-20-36 and she's just 5" tall!)

one of my favorite quotes was uttered by Mae "Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided."

I don't have a specific measurement related goal. I've never said "I want t be a size_____"  I have a weight loss goal. I want to take off 100 pounds. As I've said before for my height I should be abut 100 pounds.

I'm thinking now though that since the damn scale isn't moving and I know I'm taking off fat weight I need to shift my goal from pounds to inches. 

So combining Dolly and Mae my measurement goal as of right now is going to be 40 25 36.

Along with that I want to keep building muscle and keep working with the heavy weights. I not only want to be slim (curvy) but I want to be in awesome shape and strong.

I'll measure once a week and post the progress. 

Kettlebell & Tire

We all remember my last round with the 45 pound Kettlebell & the tire right? I couldn't finish.
I was bound and determined to conquer that damn bell and tire.
Today was not my day.
I will not give up. I will keep trying till I get it.

Kids...

Today I woke up with a goal of going to the gym and doing 500 stairs on the stair climber machine thingy.
I had my bag packed and ready but wait...where is the lock for the locker door?!

Turns out that big son (who is 7) decided that I must have been kidding around after I told him 10 times
"DO NOT TOUCH MY GYM LOCK"
and he took it to play with and now can't find it.

Completely deflated my pumped up, bad ass pep talk that I'd been giving myself all morning long.

Now I'd have to come back home and find the lock and then get redressed and go back out again.

I KNEW the lazy bitch would have a field day with that.

I got home and didn't even look for the lock. I changed my sneakers and decided not to let the day be a waste. I was going to do stuff here at home.

Since I know it's my legs I need to work most of all, I decided to do as many step ups onto a chair as I could do.

I started out with squats and I was counting and then I started singing along to the song and completely lost count. I let my body tell me when we were done with squats. (31 was the total number)

Same thing happened with the step ups.I started counting and then got singing along and lost count (I suffer from severe ADD and have the attention span of a gnat) and so I just got to stepping and let my body tell me when enough was enough.

That chair is 18" inches from floor to seat and my little legs are only 26" long. I'm thinking I'm working just a touch harder that someone who is not as short as I am to get up on that chair!
I measure the tire at Boot Camp yesterday. It's ALSO 18 inches high so that makes me happy.





The phone rang half way through which is why the video is in two parts.
When I got back to it I had a goal of 50 (25 on each leg) and once again stopped counting and let my body do it's thing.

I'm quite certain if I'd been counting I would have cut it off at 50 even regardless if I had the energy to do more. Because I wasn't counting but rather listening to my legs and my body I did 56!!

That means I stepped on and off that chair 111 times today!!! Not too shabby for a home spur of the moment workout!

Go figure. Who knew I'd learn something new today!!

Snow Day

Kids had off of school today.

MS Climb to the Top

On February 27th, 2011 I'm going to be climbing 66 stories (1215 steps!) to the top of the Rockefeller Center to raise funds and awareness for MS.

It is my goal to raise $2,000 for the National MS Society.

Why We Want a World Free of MS
Having multiple sclerosis means that you may suddenly have blurry vision. Or that your memory will fail you for no apparent reason. Or that you may not always be able to walk, or climb stairs. The symptoms of MS are different for everyone - the only certainty is that it will affect yet another person every hour of every day.

Why I Climb
I've registered for Climb to the Top because I want to do something for the people who have been diagnosed - and because I want to do everything to prevent more people from learning what it means to live with this disease. Today, there is no cure for multiple sclerosis, and with diagnosis occurring most frequently between the ages of 20 and 50, many individuals face a lifetime filled with unpredictability.

Why You Should Sponsor Me
We know that MS doesn’t slow down when the economy does. People with MS and their families will continue to turn to the National MS Society perhaps now more than ever before and we must do everything we can to prepare to help each one of them address the challenges that they face. The National MS Society will use funds collected from Climb to the Top to not only support research for a cure tomorrow, but also to provide programs which address the needs of people living with MS today.

I'm training hard for this event and I'm confident that I'll finish and won't be the last one to the top!

To donate go here and look for Diana Whittles.

Thanks so much guys!

MS Challenge

EXERCISE

I have 30 something days till the Rockefeller Climb and the closer it gets the more determined and excited I am for it.

That in itself floors me. That I'm excited to do any form of exercise is still such a foreign concept to my body and my brain and yet there it is. I'm excited and  fired up t get int the proper shape to get to the top without making t big a fool of myself.

To that end, any day between now and February 27th that I can't get to Boot Camp or the gym I'm going to be pissed off.

Today for example. Kids have on school, David has called off Boot Camp and I can't take the kids to the gym.

Looks like I'm going to have to work out here at home with the kids around.

Maybe I'll take some video today.

The best of intentions

Crappy morning around here.
I got up  with every intention of going to the gym after dropping the kids off at school.
At about 7:30 my husband decided that he would only be happy wearing a certain pair of dress slacks that I could not find.
I looked EVERYWHERE and I mean EVERYWHERE for those damn pants and by the time I found them (hanging on the back of the door in the kids room!) it was 8:00 and I was stressed to the max.

I threw the kids clothing on and it wasn't till we got outside into the lovely snow that was falling that I realized I hadn't gotten myself ready.
Converse low tops, no socks, pants that I hate (The elastic on the waist is gone and I have to hitch them up every few steps) no gloves, no wallet.

All this equaled no gym for me.

Rather than get pissy and blame everyone around me on the walk home from dropping the kids off I asked a good friend if she was going to the gym today.

She said she was so I told her to call me later and we could go together.

Then as if on cue my cel phone rang.  It was my dad asking if we are still on for today. CRAP. Of course we are.

My father's mother is a wonderful typical Jewish Brooklyn Grandmother (complete with the accent) and she is an amazing cook and baker.

She has this cookie she makes that we all adore. It's called Mondle Brodt and it's very much like a Biscotti.

For YEARS we've been trying to get the recipe out of her and when I finally got it, the index card had no measurements on it.

Dad finally got the full recipe out of her and for about a month now he and  I have tried to get together to make it but we've never been able to connect.

Today is the day we'd made plans for and I totally forgot.

So the long story short? No gym for me today.  I will go tomorrow for sure.

Gym

So today I hit the gym. I still strongly dislike them and can't ever see myself becoming a full fledged member of one.

I am however, not stupid and know that the MS Climb to the Top event is in about a month. If I'm going to have a chance in hell of finishing, I NEED to get into better cardio shape.
Hence, the gym and all it's intimidating machine glory.

I started out on the stair machine today. I didn't have a goal other than not to collapse and fall off and to try not to sound too much like a hippo in heat with the huffing and the puffing.

I set it to what seemed like a decent acceptable "normal" speed and started walking.
The gal next to me who hopped on at about the same time was originally going at the same pace I was and so I didn't feel like too much of a wuss.

Then I noticed she was speeding up, faster and faster till that bitch was RUNNING up the stairs. Sprinting as though Jason Vorhees was chasing her.

My reaction without thinking was to click my machine up a few notches too and walk a little faster.

It was at that moment that I realized you can drive yourself nuts in this sort of a setting. I turned my IPOD up to max volume and turned back to my own machine to do what I was doing.

I  slowed down,  and concentrated on one foot in front of the other.

I meant to count each step I took as I didn't know what the machine counted as a flight. (The Rockefeller Center flights are 9 stairs each with two flights between floors. 66 floors for a total of 1215 steps) At 22 flights I decided I wanted to hit the stationary bike so I got off the stairs and went to the bike.

Goal was 5 miles in 20 mins. I started out with no resistance and gradually built up keeping my rotations at 80. The last half mile I cranked the resistance up till it felt like I was pedaling in concrete and rode like the wind. I got the speed up to 90 and held it there for 3 mins. When I stepped off, I had to grab a hold of the machine so I didn't fall over. My legs were Jello.

My heart rate was up around 160 the whole time I was pedaling hard.

Was I doing it right? Was I in a good zone? Was I using the machine correctly? No freaking clue. All I know is I'm feeling it in my thighs as I type this.  Since building the muscles in my legs is one of the goals here (the other is to build stamina) I've done something right.

While I was on the bike I watched guy work with the weights, preening and strutting in front of the mirror, grunting and slamming down weights. I think my eyes got a good workout too from all of the rolling they did.

Tomorrow I'm going to go back and I'm going to count the steps on the stair machine. Goal is 500 steps. If that's less than the machines 22 flights then we go to at least the 22 flights. If it's more, then we keep on climbing.

How badly do you want it?

Clearly badly enough to go to the gym and work with machines...

Follow Me!

I know this site has seen some new traffic. (I'm still floored that folks come here to read this silly little blog)
I wanted to let you know how to follow me!
Twitter: CupcakeHussy
Facebook: DianaShermanWhittles
Email:Vittin@optonline.net

Thanks!
Diana

Motivation

I am a lazy bitch.
It's something I combat every day on all fronts of my life, not just with exercise.
Exercise was never something I had to worry about until I was in my 20's and got married and then had two little boys.
I blew up to 205 pounds:

Hershey Park Halloween 2008

One day as I was dropping the kids off at school I was running (waddling) down the stairs and I was overcome with disgust for myself. Why? Because with every step I took it sounded like people were applauding me. They weren't though. It was the fat from my stomach slapping together.
NO MORE. I got myself back on Rittalin (for my ADD but it also helps curb my appetite) got  involved with Hoboken Boot Camps and haven't looked back since.

Hershey Park Halloween 2009

I lost 45 pounds in one year and was turning myself into a TOTAL bad ass.

June 2010

and then the kids got out of school for the summer. Taking them to Boot Camp was impossible and so I took the summer off. The lazy bitch in me took over and I did next to nothing in the way of exercise for 3 months.
I put back on over 20 pounds and lost all my new muscle.
When September came around I had to start all over again and I was so angry at myself. Angry that I'd let it happen. Angry that I didn't want it as bad as I'd thought I had, angry that I let the lazy bitch take over.

 January 2011

I swear I will NEVER let that happen again. I look at these photos and realize how quickly the weight and the muscle loss sneaks up on you. 

How easy it is to take one day off, then another, then another and before you know it all the hard work you have done is completely undone.

I'm currently learning how hard you then have to work to get it all back again and how frustrating it is not being able to do the things you were able to do a month or two or three ago but because the muscle isn't there anymore, you can't.

How badly do you want it?

This is my new motto and my new motivation. I have to remember what my goals are and be willing to work as hard as I can get to them so I never go back to where I was again.

Question

But I don't WANNA go to Boot Camp this morning!!!!!!!!!
I really really REALLY don't. I mean really. I'm sitting here dressed, ready to walk out the door but that stupid voice in my brain is telling me to stay home.

Today though, there's a different little voice asking me one simple quiet question.

How badly do you want it?

How badly do I want it?! Are you crazy little voice?! You've seen how hard I've worked! I deserve a day off today!

How badly do you want it?

It's no secret it's my goal to be a total in shape, bad ass, rock and roll MILF. I want my old 80's big hair rock band groupie, spandex wearing body back! But...I'm TIRED!!! I don't wanna go to class today!

How badly do you want it?

But...but I'm not feeling well today! I'm crampy and I didn't sleep well last night and my muscles ache from using the machines yesterday. One day off won't kill me!


How badly do you want it?

But...but...

How badly do you want it?

It's really cold outside...


How badly do you want it?

So I pushed myself out the door to go to Boot Camp because the voice in my head had run out of excuses.


I got to class and immediately went to the whiteboard:
Click to enlarge photo

I wrote: How Badly Do You Want It? and during class when I didn't think I had any more in me I'd glance over at that and find the strength to dig a little deeper.

Gym

Today I went into the city to see my sister. We decided to hit her gym since I'd been talking about how I wanted to try the elliptical machine and the stationary bikes.

With this upcoming 1215 step climb followed by the 42 mile 5 boro bike tour I know I need to get my little gams into better shape than they are now.

I figured that I'd check her gym out and if it was decent I'd take them up on their 30 day $30 dollar promo and mix up Boot Camp with the machines.

Once we arrived, I realized that I have not step foot in a gym in about 18 years. (Remember that I've only been back on track and working out for about a year and a half now)

The gym is on 3 floors, each floor has a different set of equipment.
 Main floor has all the cardio equipment. Elliptical, treadmills, stair climbers and a machine that looks like a very small escalator that you walk up stairs on.

Second floor is all weight machines and free weights. I was delighted to see a rack of kettlebells but upon closer inspection I was disappointed. The weights started at 30 pounds and went up to 60. That's all they had. The bells looked unused and lonely. I promised them I would come back to visit in a little bit.

I went upstairs one more flight to find the stationary bikes.  I sat down and instantly remembered why I hated gyms and the equipment within.

For all the tea in China I could NOT figure out how to get this stupid bike to track my workout. I pedaled hard for about 15 mins but was frustrated that I couldn't tell how far I went, how fast I was going or how many calories I'd burned.

I hopped off and decided to make good on my promise to the Kettlebells.

I'm guessing they don't get many girls using the bells (or for that matter many guys) because two trainers stood there watching me as I did swings, high pulls, squats and lifts and trunk twists with the 30 pound bell.

I don't mind them watching but if you are going to stare, say something or at least SMILE!
There was a mirror there and so I was able to really keep an eye on my form during the swings. It was nice to have.

My arms were screaming so I went downstairs to the cardio equipment and hit the treadmill with my sister and then my stupid shin splints acted up so she and I went to hit the elliptical. It was my first time on the machine and I really liked it.

As I'm typing this I can feel the muscles in my thighs aching ever so slightly.

What  I really hate about the gym is the equipment and how stupid it makes me feel. How can I, a woman who is relatively comfortable with technology NOT be able to figure out how to use a lifecycle bike?!

I swear I sat there punching buttons while peddling my little heart out getting more and more frustrated that I couldn't see any of the info about my workout. For me, there is NO point in using these damn machines if I can't SEE the results in front of me.

When I went down to use the treadmill with my sister, I had her thankfully to show me how to use it but when I use this sort of equipment I always have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not doing it right or not using the machine in the proper manner which leaves me feeling tense and stupid and defeated.

The elliptical, while fun to work on, I had the same issue. NO real clue what the hell I was doing. Did I work the arms too? Was I going fast enough? Should I go faster? Slower? Increase the incline? The resistance? What WAS the difference between the elliptical and that other machine in the corner? How come my sister didn't like that machine but liked the elliptical? What was that other machine all about? (Can you tell my ADD also comes into play in the gym?)

I think all today did was reinforce why I love (and how much I love) Hoboken Boot Camps. If I miss class, David (despite saying he won't chase clients) will text or call me to be sure I'm okay. He will tailor exercises to aches and pains and will force me to push myself when I'm feeling lazy.

I LOVE the 9am class. I love the group of folks, love the vibe, and most of all love that I have David there to show me the proper way to do everything and to help keep pushing me forward or helping me dig deeper to do one more, one more, one more. It really helps having someone stand with you that believes in you.

That will never be found in a gym for me.

Having said that,  I think I will go and do the 30 day deal so I can work with the bike (with some instruction!) and the elliptical which I really liked. Score bonus points if my local gym has that stair machine.

I will just have to be sure to find someone who works there who can help me set the machines up and make sure I'm not doing the sissy version of the workouts.

MS Climb to the Top

On February 27th, 2011 I'm going to be climbing 66 stories (1215 steps!) to the top of the Rockefeller Center to raise funds and awareness for MS.

It is my goal to raise $2,000 for the National MS Society.

Why We Want a World Free of MS
Having multiple sclerosis means that you may suddenly have blurry vision. Or that your memory will fail you for no apparent reason. Or that you may not always be able to walk, or climb stairs. The symptoms of MS are different for everyone - the only certainty is that it will affect yet another person every hour of every day.

Why I Climb
I've registered for Climb to the Top because I want to do something for the people who have been diagnosed - and because I want to do everything to prevent more people from learning what it means to live with this disease. Today, there is no cure for multiple sclerosis, and with diagnosis occurring most frequently between the ages of 20 and 50, many individuals face a lifetime filled with unpredictability.

Why You Should Sponsor Me
We know that MS doesn’t slow down when the economy does. People with MS and their families will continue to turn to the National MS Society perhaps now more than ever before and we must do everything we can to prepare to help each one of them address the challenges that they face. The National MS Society will use funds collected from Climb to the Top to not only support research for a cure tomorrow, but also to provide programs which address the needs of people living with MS today.

I'm training hard for this event and I'm confident that I'll finish and won't be the last one to the top!

To donate go here and look for Diana Whittles.

Thanks so much guys!

Rain Delay

I woke up this morning to find that Hoboken, NJ had MORE snow.
Snow I can handle. What it had turned to by the time I got the kids ready for school and walked them out the door was snow/rain and ice. LOTS of ice. The sidewalks are like skating rinks and the curbs and streets are slush puddle mud pits.

Took us twice as long to get to school because we had to walk so slowly but we all remained upright and dry.

I left school and headed to Boot Camp. My feet started to cramp because I was involuntarily trying to grip the sidewalk with them so I didn't fall. It was slow going but I managed to stay out of the puddles and the slush.

Till I slipped on that patch if ice I didn't see.

Cold, wet, drowned rat. That's what I looked like and felt like. I got up and was STILL going to Boot Camp (I'd just finished reading a blog about a guy who went to the gym with the flu because THAT'S what a dedicated athlete does. You don't take time off and you CERTAINLY don't let anything like an illuess get in your way! SACRIFICE! ) 

I got up, shook myself off like a dog after a bath (Did I mention my winter coat is a full length faux leopard fur? Yeah.) and gingerly crossed the street. When I hit the other sidewalk and hit another patch of ice that caused me to look a little like a cartoon character with arms and legs pinwheeling (How I didn't throw my purse into the night I do not know) I threw in the towel.

I'm as dedicated to Boot Camp as anyone has ever been but I'm not going to break my neck or get pneumonia in the name of exercise.

We will try again tomorrow.

Boot Camp & Boobs

So the past couple of days I've immersed myself in Kettlebell and weight training online blogs and videos. Spent a whole lot of time watching proper Kettlebell technique.

I applied what I saw and read today in class and while it's stuff I'd like to think I knew all along, I was super zoned into it today and felt a difference in my swings. The idea of hips as a hinge is one that I like. Heels down and glued to the floor is something I remember from the horse days. They were your anchor back then as well.

I did my swings conscious of my knees and my shoulders and hips. Making sure my knees didn't come over my feet, shoulders were open and back and I noticed something that might be TMI but since there is no shame in my game I'm gonna share with you all here.

My boobs are getting in my way. My chest is 45" around and it ain't muscle. I've been well endowed in the boobage department my whole life so I'm not at all self conscious about them. I've always had good posture, carrying myself with shoulders back and head high.

When doing the Kettlebell swings, rounding my shoulders and hunching has never been my problem. My problem comes in keeping my arms straight and unbent during the swings.

It's physically impossible for me. They have to bow out to get around my chest.   Most folks in class have their arms in a nice V formation. Mine are more of an O.

That O shape has been causing me to squat more than I should be to get the Kettlebell to swing behind me. (also blessed with shorter arms, I've felt in the past if I don't squat low I'm going to slam the Kettlebell into my pelvic bone) No, there isn't a breast reduction in my future so I need to figure out how to work around the gals and maintain decent form.

See what I mean? Way too squatty and arms are not straight but bent into that O shape.

I've never been ashamed of or felt the need to hide them. They've never been a problem for me. In Boot Camp though, I've notice that they get in my way a HELL of a lot. 

Jumping Jacks, jump rope, any sort of crawling on the ground (army crawls are no fun), hopping, or jumping I find to be a challenge in ways other gals might not. I've figure out ways around those exercises. I don't do them.
Seriously. I don't.
I just sub in an exercise that I CAN do. One that I won't be uncomfortable doing. Either mountain climbers or squats or lunges or if we have to run I'll often skip. I don't avoid these exercises because I'm self conscious. I do it because flopping boobs don't tickle.

The Kettlebells though, I don't want to find a way around them. I want to figure out how to make them work with what I've got.  I need to work out a way to maintain good, proper form during the swings. I want to make it work because I adore them and want to continue to advance with them.

I have a couple of ideas I'm going to try and I'll report back here and let you know if they work or not...

SUPER yummy smoothie

Kale Spinach and Pear Smoothie

1 heaping cup spinach leaves

1 heaping cup chopped kale leaves

1/2 pear

1 frozen banana

1 1/2 cups cold almond milk (or soy milk or orange juice)

1 tablespoon honey

Remove kale leaves from their rough center stalk and coarsely chop.  In a blender, combine kale spinach and almond milk.  Blend until no big kale bits remain.  Stop blender and add banana honey and pear.  Blend until smooth.  Enjoy immediately. 

Okay then

Well, after all my fire and brimstone and fist shaking and getting myself pumped up and revved up...
The tire was sleeping in this morning.

So no tire video but no worries. I still went into class with that fire, that determination and damn it all if David didn't chose today to work our legs hardcore.
12 hours after class has ended and the tops of my thighs are still aching and uncomfortable.

He had our feet in the TRX bands today doing all sorts of insane nonsense. Scissors, bicycles, walkouts and since there were 6 of us today three would do the TRX bands (which I have to admit is one of my favorite pieces of equipment, or it was. After today I'm convinced they are made by the devil himself) and the other half would do swings and high pulls with the Kettlebells.

I really DID try. Really. I tried to bring that bad ass machine in me out but she must have been sleeping in with the tire.

I was able to do a few of the walkouts and then I had to go to doing planks (Which also kicked my ass thankyouverymuch)
I really REALLY tried during the bicycle portion to keep my wee stems pumping, trying to count "stairs" or pedal rotations thinking about the Climb to the Top event or the 5 boro bike tour but my little legs weren't having it and the lactic burn was awful. I had to keep taking breaks which did nothing but piss me off at myself.

The Kettlebells were better. I worked with the 25 pound the whole time.

At the end of class he had us doing some insane crawls and then hops. I couldn't do the hops. My legs were just not going to support me(to the point where when I walked I looked drunk because I couldn't move in a straight line) so I ran using short rapid steps. 

In short, it was a FANTASTIC class and it really kicked my ass. I love when the classes are like that. Love when I've worked so hard my muscles are like jello.

Scuse me while I go and take some Tylenol...

Tomorrow

Tomorrow the hubs and the kids and I will head over to the Monroe Center in Hoboken to attend our beloved 8am Saturday Hoboken Boot Camps class.

(I will have my camera with me and I'll have David taking photos and video of the class.)

I decided today was the last day of my being a total candyass. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow at 8am I'm going to dig as deep as I can and work as hard as I can in class.

That's not to say that I haven't been working all along. I HAVE. It's been well documented in this blog how much I love pushing myself in class and setting insane goals and either training hard for them or busting through them.

A few weeks ago I was defeated by the 45 pound kettlebell and monster truck tire. I was unable to complete the step ups with the weight.  I rocked it with the 40 pound but the 45 pound was just out of my reach.

Tomorrow I want to tackle that damn tire again with the 45 pound weight. I want to defeat it, I want to crush it.
The last time I made a myriad of excuses why I couldn't get it done but the bottom line is, at the end of the day, I couldn't get it done.

I was put in my place by a large tire and a ball of iron. That's SO not right. It's not right and it makes me mad. I watch the video and it makes me mad.

I've talked before about how in class I'm often ego driven. I want to be the best in the room. I want to be the strongest, fastest, the one who can lift the most weight for the most amount of reps.I want to be the biggest bad ass in the room.

I'll see someone (usually a guy) grab a bigger kettlebell and my reaction is always "HEY! No way! Me too!"

It doesn't always work in my favor during class because I'll grab a heavier weight, just because I can and will often burn myself out before class is half over.

It is however, great in cases like the tire and the weight where I'm pushing against myself and I have no one to compete with but me.

Tomorrow I'm going to come back to this blog with video of me doing at LEAST 10 successful, properly executed step ups onto the tire with the 45 pound Kettlebell.

This is the 40 pound



and this is the 45 pound

Eating Habits

I'll be the first to admit that my diet is lousy. I don't always put forth the effort to eat well though I do want to.
The trouble is, I don't cook. At all. I've tried enough times in the past to know it's never going to be something I'm good or even decent at.

To ensure that we don't starve to death, my husband has taken over cooking. He's far, far better than I and enjoys it. Most of the time.

I always feel a twinge of guilt making him cook for me after he's been at work all day, often cooking two meals because we don't always want the same things.

Because he's at work all day and doesn't want to come home and play chef our dinners are almost always the same around here.
Tuna Fish Sandwiches (he has chips on the side, I do not)
Eggs with toast or toast and sausage or bacon
Steakums
One night we usually order Chinese and the other is Pizza.
The remaining nights are leftovers.

Breakfast for me is usually a bowl of cereal or Eggo Waffles.
I almost always skip lunch. On the off chance that I'm hungry after boot camp, I will often make myself a smoothie with a frozen banana, a tablespoon of peanut butter, a scoop of protein powder and either coconut water or skim milk with some vanilla yogurt if I have it.

See? My diet SUCKS.
That 5 & 5 of fruits and veggies you are supposed to get? Yeah, almost NEVER.

I'm completely aware that my eating habits are why the weight isn't coming off as fast as I'd like but up until the other day when I realized that I'm totally my own worst enemy I didn't do a damn thing about it.

That changes today.

In my fridge I have a massive batch of fresh Kale and a package of baby spinach leaves. A huge bunch of bananas is on my counter and pears are in the crisper. There is even a container of Almond Milk in there purchased with the specific purpose of these recipes:

With these ingredients I'm going to make these smoothies:

Ingredients

2 cups frozen torn greens (I used spinach and kale)
1/2 cup frozen blueberries
1 peeled banana (can be frozen as well but will make color muddier)
1 cup Lactaid lactose free milk
Instructions

Place all ingredients in a blender, cover and blend until smooth and creamy.  Pour into one or two glasses.

1 cup spinach
1/2 cup low fat vanilla (or banilla my current favorite) yogurt
1 cup strawberries
1 cup skim milk

Blend all ingredients. (Depending on how thick you like your smoothies you may want to add more milk)



Kale Spinach and Pear Smoothie


1 heaping cup spinach leaves
1 heaping cup chopped kale leaves
1/2 pear
1 frozen banana
1 1/2 cups cold almond milk (or soy milk or orange juice)
1 tablespoon honey

Remove kale leaves from their rough center stalk and coarsely chop.  In a blender, combine kale spinach and almond milk.  Blend until no big kale bits remain.  Stop blender and add banana honey and pear.  Blend until smooth.  Enjoy immediately. 



Since I don't cook, I knew that I had to have foods on hand that require little or no prep on my part and that I can't screw up too badly.
I also have 4 pre cooked chicken breasts and pre sliced mushrooms and diced onions.

I've been reading a whole lot about this grain Quinoa (Which I just discovered is pronounced Keen-Wah and not Quin-oah the way I'd assumed) and I'd really wanted to try it. I have a box in my cabinet and I'm going to make this:

Quinoa with Mushrooms

Ingredients

    * 1 tablespoon olive oil
    * 1 (8 ounce) package mushrooms, chopped
    * 1 onion, chopped
    * 1 clove garlic, minced
    * 1 tablespoon butter
    * 1 1/2 cups quinoa, rinsed
    * 3 cups chicken broth
    * 1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

   1. Heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat. Cook and stir the mushrooms, onion, and garlic in the hot oil until browned, about 5 minutes; set aside.
   2. Melt the butter in a pot over medium-high heat. Add the quinoa to the melted butter and let it brown, about 3 minutes. Pour the chicken broth over the quinoa; bring to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to low; simmer 10 minutes. Stir in the sauteed mushroom mixture and cook another 2 minutes. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese to serve.





Since I'm a total total sugar addict and I'm aware it's my downfall all the time I'm going to try to make desserts that are better for me and have little or no sugar in them.

TAHINI TERRIFIC NO-BAKE ENERGY BARS    

Looking for a quick snack on the run?  Maybe a quick snack BEFORE a run?  Either way, these delicious and very-satisfying bars will fuel you up for the day or road ahead. Lots of taste, a snack bar to enjoy anytime of the day. Makes 16 bars.

1 C. tahini

½ -3/4 C. brown rice syrup , to taste

½ C. soy milk

2 T. unsweetened carob powder

1 ½  teas. ground cinnamon

1 C. chopped pecans or walnuts 

1 C. hulled unsalted sunflower seeds  

1 C. unsweetened shredded coconut  

 ½ C. uncooked rolled oats    

  1 C. raisins                                                                                                

 Line a 9” square OR  7" x 11"  cake pan with wax paper, grease and set aside.  In a large saucepan, combine the tahini and brown rice syrup and heat over low heat. Add soy milk, carob powder and cinnamon and stir to combine thoroughly, forming a smooth paste. Cook over low heat for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Turn off heat, leaving saucepan on burner, just to stay slightly warm.  Add remaining ingredients, stirring to combine thoroughly, mixture will be stiff. Pour into prepared cake pan and smooth top using a spatula. Score top to form 16 equal bars, don’t cut through. Cool in fridge until firm (about 2 hours). Cut into bars and enjoy.

Note: These bars keep well in freezer for longer storage.





I'm going to make this and omit the sugar and see how it is

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups water
• 3/4 cup quinoa
• 2 cups whole milk
• 2 ripe bananas
• 2 tablespoons white sugar
• salt to taste
• 1/2 tablespoon butter
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. Rinse and drain the quinoa. Bring water and quinoa to a boil in a saucepan over high heat, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes. Remove from the heat.
2. Blend together the milk, bananas, sugar, and salt in the bowl of a blender or food processor until smooth. Pour the milk mixture into the saucepan with the quinoa.
3. Place the pan over medium heat. Cook and stir until the mixture becomes thick and creamy, 5 to 10 minutes. Remove from the heat. Stir in the butter and vanilla and serve warm.

Choices

Today somehow the kids roped me into taking them to Johnny Rocket's for a snack after school.
We ordered and I did not make the best food choices.

I got what I always get there. Cheeseburger and Onion Rings, a Diet Coke and an Ice Cream Hot Fudge Sundae to wash it all down.

When we were finished and the bill had been paid, the severity of what I'd just eaten slapped me in the face and I think I actually blushed. I was embarrassed by the amount of fat and calories I'd just sucked down without even thinking about it.

My shame turned to frustration when I realized that I'd just undone a stellar day at Boot Camp. One of my strongest yet.

I started to blame the kids for "making" me go there in the first place. Grousing about how I would never go there on my own.

I wondered what my diet would be like if I were single. I can assure you it would NOT contain things like Johnny Rockets or McDonald's or Pizza. I think I could go the rest of my life without eating these things ever again.

With kids though, this is damn near impossible I told myself. How can I avoid them? The kids love them so much. We don't go often (well, except for pizza) but we DO go and if I had no children, I wouldn't ever go.

I realized that I need to eat or change my diet to pretend I don't have children.
Sure, I can't avoid these places but that doesn't mean I have to eat the food.  Why couldn't I go into Johnny Rockets today and just get a Diet Coke? Why did I have to eat as well?
The answer is: I didn't.

Next time, I won't. The next time the kids want pizza for dinner or McDonald's or Johnny Rockets or any of the other super unhealthy places or foods that they love so damn much, I can make a better choice and NOT eat with them.

It's got to be about planning ahead and having something protein filled and healthy to eat before I pick the kids up from school so I'm not hungry when we go to these places.
Having something yummy on hand to eat for dinner when they order pizza.

If I'm going to win this battle against the fat, I'm going to have to make better food choices. It's as simple as that.

Daily Photo

Candids

Let me tell you. There is NOTHING as humbling or jarring as seeing candid photos of yourself.
WOW...Holy time to get back on track Batman!

Motivation & Inspiration

So this whole damn crazy weight loss/fitness thing began when I stumbled onto the blog of a supremely dynamic gal who goes by the internet moniker of "Bitch Cakes".

I started reading and I was swept up in how similar we were in our thoughts and feelings and outlook on life. I realized it was time and started to do my own thing with my own weight loss journey.
 
I know she's heard it a thousand times and I really do feel like a freakin rock star groupie saying it but it's the truth and it needs to be said:
 
Because of her blog and the passion and energy that pours of it and her enthusiasm for her pink Hello Kitty cruiser I went out and got my own cruiser.
Also pink but not Hello Kitty.
(Click photos to enlarge)

Sheryl aboard her super fine ride looking so happy! TD Bank 5 Boro 2010

My sweet trusty steed Bison.
 
Stalker groupie vibe much?
 
In my own defense since I've been a little girl Pink has been my favorite color and since I got my first allowance most of my funds have gone towards Hello Kitty.
She just makes rockin a pink crusier look so cool!

Besides, even though our bikes are the same style and color the similarities end there. 
She's in WAY WAY WAY  better shape than I am and while I'm huffing and puffing and grunting and walking my bike up hills, she never ever ever EVER gets off her bike for any hills and always makes biking look like so much fun! Total motivation for me! (We all know Cardio is my weak spot.)
 
It was she who turned me on to the 5 boro bike tour (a zillion thank yous for that) and she that without a word allowed me to turn inward when I thought I was done at the 15 mile mark last year and I was able to do another 15 miles for a total of 30.
 
After the 5 boro I found that I'm hooked on these bike events.  I also did the Twin Lights Tour last year (which I will NOT be attempting this year thankyouverymuch) but this year I'm going to do the 5 Boro as well as a whole lotta other very cool organized rides.
 
I went to her blog the other day and she was talking about her new found love of running and how she's totally blowing all of her own goals right the hell out of the water.  

She said two things that really resonated in me and that I took to Boot Camp with me yesterday.


Another Tool for Living I use, Reframing: I think of the distance differently. What I do (and this is how I think about long bike rides too) - is I break everything down to 1 mile. I don't let myself get overwhelmed with the thought of "oh my god! I have to run 13 miles" or "I have to bike 75 miles!" I tell myself I am going to run 1 mile - thirteen times. (or bike 1 mile - 75 times.) Of course it's the same distance, it's still 13 miles, or 75 miles, but just reframing it like that really helps me mentally, especially as I'm doing it. After I finish one mile, I tell myself "I just have to do that 12 more times! I can do that!" It makes it *feel* easier and more doable when I break it down into smaller intervals like that, even though the total is unchanged.

I so totally and completely LOVE this concept. I tend to look at challenges as a whole and while I'm in the middle I don't look back at what I've done but only how much more I have ahead of me to reach my goal.
This can be daunting and spirit dampening when it's a 40 or 50 or 75 mile bike ride.
I'm always talking on here about one step at a time, why not apply that concept to these bike or stair events as well?!

"Your brain will tell you to stop long before your body is ready to stop." (it's true! if your body has to stop, it will collapse. If it doesn't collapse, you can still keep going! Don't listen to your brain!).  But I think my favorite thing I told myself over and over yesterday was "Don't worry about your body. Your body is a machine. It knows what to do. Just worry about your breathing. You can do this!"


The concept of my bod as a machine that knows what it has to do and that my brain is getting in my way is new and one that I really like a whole lot. It makes me feel very strong and bad ass. It also simplifies the whole thing and allows me to focus on feeling strong, not weak and defeated.


In fact, today in Boot Camp we were dragging around weights on chains.

and it was DAMN HEAVY. I found myself repeating over and over "I'm a machine. Brain shut up" Which is clearly a very edited version of the original but it WORKED! I was able to totally zone into body over mind and push through the aches and turn down the voice in my head telling me to stop.
 
I have to remember I'm way way stronger than I think I am and if I quit on myself, how is ANYONE else going to believe in me? 

I've said before if you are ever around me when I take on these events or tasks I'm sure you've been concerned for my mental health. I talk to myself. Out loud. A whole lot. Often it's just 4 words "YOU CAN DO THIS" or "COME ON D! YOU'VE GOT THIS!" (Sometimes it's just "JESUS Fing CHRIST" but it's usually positive)

Talking to myself really does help. (I'm not so sure the faces and the tears and the grunting and huffing and puffing help but for now they come as part of the package till I'm in better shape.)


It will be these three things that I remember the next time I feel like I can't do whatever it is.


I CAN DO IT.
I'M A BAD ASS MACHINE.
ONE STEP, ONE MILE AT A TIME.


So Sheryl thank you on more levels and for more things than you know! I'm adopting these ideas and will be using them all the time, every day.


Go and check out her blog. If you need to be motivated, she's superb at it!
http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/

A Goal

Here we have a stunning example of a goal.
Yes, I'm aware that's neon fishnet. Yup I'm aware it borders on "street whore".
I.don't.care.
20 years ago I purchased this top and in the late 80's early 90's I wore this sweetie to Limelight, L'Amour, Cat Club, Scrap Bar, Studio One and anywhere else the big hair/glam band shows took us.
That top paired with a black satin bra not unlike the one above and a pair of skinny jeans with cowboy boots and a leather jacket. 
I'm also aware that I'm about 90 pounds heavier than I was 20 years ago (you really have no idea how it pains me to type that out)  and so it's my goal for one night to be able to fit back into this dynamic duo without having people run away screaming.
For one night, I want to tease my hair, don the leather jacket and pretend I'm not a mommy.
This is a goal people and I'm going to make it happen....

Bikes

So I'm tempted to sign up for a volunteer bike position that is currently just a hair out of what I'm physically capable of doing. It's for an MS event and it's a weekend event. It's a 50 mile 2 day walk but the bike support will ride 50 miles in a day riding up and back offering support to the walkers.

I think it would be a TOTAL blast and so much fun to be a part of. I'm concerned about the 12 + hours each day in the saddle though. Give me a horse and that kind of saddle I can sit in for hours. A bike? I'm gonna have a very very sore ass after the first day.

I know everyone already thinks I'm insane for attempting the 1215 steps next month (I think I'm a little off my rocker for that as well). I should just pile it on right?

What I'm going to do is see how I do in the 5 boro which is 42 + miles. If I can complete that, and get through the other rides I want to do in June and July and August, I'll sign up for the support staff. (Each of the other events are 50+ miles)

My dad wants to buy me a new bike and while I'd love a lighter bike I so love my Bison and I (once again) feel like I'm wimping out on her and not pushing myself. 

This is what my dad wants to get me.

It's still pink and it would CERTAINLY be easier to ride but...but it's not my sweet Bison...I've got to be the only gal on the planet having internal conflict over a bicycle!

Either way, I have a renewed reason to hit those steps at mom's building.
Speaking of which, do you know my calf muscles are STILL SORE?! That's right. Still They still hurt and I still wince going down the stairs at the boys school.
Monday I'll head back to mom's and do them again!

Stems

Today though I REALLY didn't want to, I dragged my ass to Boot Camp. When I say I dragged my ass, I sincerely mean it. I didn't know I could walk that slowly or the lazy voices in my head could be that loud!

That combined with the sore calves and thighs and it took all the willpower I had to get to class.
As always though, I love it once I get there and I'm always happy that I went.
David and I were talking about the stair climb and he said that I shouldn't train with the same amount of steps as the climb is. In other words, I shouldn't attempt to recreate the 1215 step climb but rather do half or set a goal of 700 steps. The key is to get in the right shape and build up the stamina and the strength to do stairs.

I'm supposed to be able to run a half marathon which is 3 miles give or take.  Since I don't, and can't run I'll never know if I'm up to the task or not.

It's my new goal to be able to go up and down the stairs at my mom's place, one time, all 288 steps two at a time.
Clearly with the way I was huffing and puffing yesterday (and my darling sister texted me today that her calves were burning after our climb) I have a long way to go to get there but I think if I keep to my schedule of Boot Camp 3 days a week and stairs 2 days for this month and then switch and do 3 days of stairs next month and 2 days of Boot Camp I'll be okay.

Dear God...

Stairs

Well, I did half of what I said I was going to do today and I think it wasn't a bad way to go about it.
I said I was going to go to Boot Camp and then go to my mom's and do the stairs.
As it turns out, I only went and did the stairs and I wound up doing them with my sister who is in MUCH better shape than I am.
There are 288 steps from basement to roof. We did them twice with a 10 min break in between.
I have video but honestly I think it's only worth putting up here if you are into heavy breathing. The lighting is very dark and all you hear if my huffing and puffing.
I will show you this though:

That is the view from my mom's roof deck. The top of her building. (I'll resist any "Top of the world ma!" jokes)

I had to rest twice and both times I let my heart rate go from 165 to 150. Once it hit 150 we got up and moved again.
I'm SO not a cardio gal. Give me weights, give me strength training and I will gladly push myself to the point of exhaustion and beyond. I will always set weight related goals and be super excited to reach them (45 pound kettlebell and your pal the monster truck tire better get ready. I'm coming for you!)
The cardio stuff, not so much.

I'm strong and have decent endurance for weights but when it comes to elevating my heart rate and getting into the cardio end of working out, I'm a MESS.
My sister hits the gym and so she's in way way better shape than I am. She did the stairs too at the same pace and I was the only one breathing heavy and exhausted. My muscles weren't tired. They were fine. It was the huffing and puffing and elevated heart rate that had me sitting on the stairs twice.

I get so frustrated by how out of shape I am that I loathe Cardio and avoid it at all cost. It's also the reason I signed up for the Climb to the Top event.

There is no way in hell I'll ever finish if I'm not in decent shape and if I don't train I might as well not even bother.
Training is forcing me to get my up until now ignored cardio workout in.

I'm also hoping that it will help me see a quicker loss of the 30 pounds I've promised myself I'd shed.

Looking a little more long term, I'm also thinking that getting in better shape, getting stronger, getting more fit will help me finish the 5 boro bike tour this year.

If I can do THAT, then I can do all the other bike events I want to this summer and come next September I'll be a total bombshell. (Okay, I get that that isn't realistic, shaddup. I'm on a roll!)

Above and beyond the physical benefits, mentally this will all teach me to stick to it and to value the small results as well as the large. To embrace the little goals.

Sometimes it's all about taking that step after you swore you couldn't. One more stair, one more flight. A second or two faster than the day before. Only one rest on the staircase rather than two. Little things. The little things add up over time and become bigger things. I have to remember that's all part of this as well.

Tomorrow is Boot Camp and then Wed I'll go and do the stairs again.

Boot Camp

Today was my first day back at Boot Camp after 3 weeks off.
I tried super hard to work smarter not harder but still walked away with colt like wobbly legs and arms like Jello.
Did some work with the 20 pounder but most with a 10.
Tried to do more cardio work than I usually do in class. Usually while the rest of the class is doing cardio, I'm doing squats with kettlebells or lunges. Today I did mountain climbers and it kicked my ass.
I love Boot Camp so damn much but right now I need to go and collapse!